For the month of March, I am participating in Fabulous Finds by Tiffany’s 31 Day Blog Challenge. Today’s prompt: do you have regret?
I can honestly say I do not have regret, not in regards to major life events or choices. I do, of course, truly regret any actions or words of mine that hurt others. I wish, like many people, that I would never put my foot in my mouth or be caught up in a moment of anger or hurt. While I regret those things, I am grateful for the lessons they have taught me about conducting myself, handling conflict, etc. Other than that, I do not regret anything. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have done things differently – like choice a major other than 7-12 social studies education, which is super popular and not in demand in Ohio, or move out of state right after college instead of staying in Ohio and becoming even more attached to home, or make stronger and more consistent efforts to get healthier sooner instead of struggling for so long – but then I think, whatever. It would have been NICE to have left college with a major I love that also could have gotten me a job anywhere. It would have been NICE to have a job in social studies education straight out of college. It would be NICE to feel more confident and stronger already.
But that’s not the way it is. I picked the major I loved even though I knew what would happen if I tried to stay in Ohio, and when I truly thought I would be okay with leaving the state. I was 18, 19. I couldn’t predict what would occur down the line, and even so, I had teenager invincibility syndrome going in my head still – “I could be the exception. I won’t get hurt.” Turns out I’m not okay with leaving, at least not at this point in my life, and of course I’m not the exception. But guess what? There’s nothing I can do about my degree and staying in Ohio now, so it’s a waste of my time and energy to brood upon it (and given my anxiety, if I allowed myself, I could really dwell). Not only can’t those things be changed, but I’m grateful for what I’ve learned professionally and personally since graduating from college, and I really don’t know if I would have gained those same lessons or grown in the same way if I had been hired into a classroom teaching position immediately. Plus, making a different choice wouldn’t have changed my career or goals a ridiculous amount. I would still be in some sort of position within the field of education, just in a different way. I probably have to get my masters to get a job now, but that’s okay, because I have always wanted to and planned on earning my masters anyway.
As for not being healthier than I am right now, I do truly wish I could already be where my goals for my health are, and being healthier now would change my life in many ways. But again – regretting it, worrying about it won’t change it, and maybe I’ve learned some lessons by struggling along the way. I just have to keep moving forward.
There’s always room for mistakes, growth, and improvement. As long as I can own up to my choices, take responsibility for them, learn from them, cut myself some slack where I can, and see the positive, I see no reason to regret a thing.